I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
