I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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