Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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