I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
