So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
