Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
