I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
