well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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