why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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