They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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