Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
