i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
