I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
