just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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