My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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