I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize