P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
