Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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