This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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