He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And then he peed in my hair
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