I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
