whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
