so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
