He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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