how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
