what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
