u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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