Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
