a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
