I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
420 ftw
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
