I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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