how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
