i would punch a child for taco bell
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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