we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
