i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
