beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
