I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
