apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
false alarm, still single
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
