I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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