Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
