omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
