It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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