FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize