Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
