Jerry, you need to find god
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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