the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
