we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
