Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
