so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Randomize
