Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
