looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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