when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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