Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
