just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
