Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
