Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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