You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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