I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
