remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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