I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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