hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
