So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
