She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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