i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize