One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
