The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
