Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
